and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
