Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Randomize
