Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
