There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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