plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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