i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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