where does the pee come out of this thing
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
