He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
is wine microwaveable?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hippo gnu deer
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
