Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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