Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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