i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
