So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
