she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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