I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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