Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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