Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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