My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
