I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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