we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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