You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
