I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
