I feel like abortions should bother me more
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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