I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
