The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
