First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
