you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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