How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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