i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
