Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Someone shit on the floor
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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