just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
