Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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