i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
