Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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