I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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