the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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