My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
