Who did Billy Mays play for?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
