can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
