So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She announced her abortion via fbk
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
