I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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