ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
