Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
