1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
