girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
