i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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