for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
