can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
