i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
