His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
