you have to choose: penises or morals?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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