In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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