I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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