well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
