Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
