remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
