also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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